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Goops and How to Be Them: A Manual of Manners for Polite Infants Inculcating Many Juvenile Virtues, etc. by Gelett Burgess


My mother used to read this to me when I was small. Still in print from 1928 I can't help but sing its virtues. Quite literally. 

As Gelett states in the Introduction:

Let me introduce a Race
Void of Beauty and Grace,
Extraordinary Creatures
With a Paucity of Features.


The cover of the new printing shows Goops in color but still with those round, empty-ish heads that can become quite expressive in the hands of the proper illustrator.

Yet you'll learn, if you are Bright,
Politeness from the Impolite.
When you've finished with the Book,...Ask yourself, upon the Spot,Are you Goop, or are you Not?
For, although it's Fun to See them
It is Terrible to Be them!

There you have it: a book of manners reverse style. Such topics as Table Manners, Cleanliness, Courtesy, Generosity, Borrowing, Tidiness, Patience, Pets, Clothes, and Quietness are demonstrated, not by what the Goops do, but by what they should do.

Hint about the candy, say you're fond of peppermint;That's the way to be a Goop--hint, hint, hint!

Or this little poem about Caution in the streets (Reader, be forewarned of danger!)

When you travel in the street,Are you cautious and discreet?
Do you look about for horses
When your brother crosses?

Try explaining that one to your little ones!

My personal fave:
The Goops are very hard to kill,
So they hang out the Window-sill;
Down the Banisters they slide--I could do it if I tried;
but when Mother tells me "Don't,"
then, of course I really won't!

Or this one last elegant piece of instruction--

One more rule won't hurt you:When you practise Virtue,
Do it with a laugh!

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